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Passionate Parents
Keeping Love Alive After the Kids Arrive
By Johnathon Allen
For many parents, the pitter patter of little feet is a death knell for the passionate love life that created the little feet in the first place. Fear of getting caught in the act, and the constant energy drain of parenting, are more than enough to douse even the hottest of sexual fires. As a result, couples who were once highly compatible lovers often see their sex life fizzle after they become parents. Because a healthy sex life is integral to a happy marriage, this "loss of lust" can become a major disruption in a couple's relationship.
"Once you're a parent, sex can be a pretty alien concept no matter how active you were before conception," says Susan Hubbard, sex therapist and author of Spicing Up Your Sex Life. "There's no shortage of reasons for this phenomenon. Moms who spend their days exclusively filling the needs of others are not inclined to feel very sexy. Often when their partner attempts to be intimate, it seems like a continuing invasion of their personal space."
According to Hubbard, dads tend to have a particularly difficult time coping with this situation because, for most men, "having sex is one of their primary connections to the relationship. When they are rejected over and over, it feels like a loss of love," she says.
It's a feeling David Mabry, a musician and father of two from Dallas, Texas, understands completely.
"My wife and I had a fantastic sex life for three years before we got pregnant. Then, after our son was born, it was rare that we exchanged even a passionate kiss," Mabry says. "Something that had been a mainstay in our relationship since the beginning was suddenly gone. It was tough because I thought she wasn't attracted to me anymore. The fact of the matter was that at the end of the day we were just too burned out to get excited about much except sleep."
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