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Angry Emotions
Your Child's and Yours
By Elizabeth Pantley
3. Time out. If a child's angry behavior is out of line, immediately stop him and send him to his room to cool off. Don't try to deal with the behavior at the peak of his anger. Later, when he's calmed down, take the time to let him know, specifically, what he did that you disapprove of. Engage him in a conversation to develop a plan for avoiding the behavior in the future.
4. Teach. Talk to your child about his anger. Tell him that it's important for him to learn how to control his temper. Suggest that the first thing he needs to do is learn to get control of himself before he does or says things that are inappropriate. Let your child know, in advance, that next time he explodes in anger you'll help him by asking him to go to his room to cool off. Advise him that if he doesn't immediately do as asked he would lose a privilege for the rest of the day, such as using the telephone, watching TV or playing with friends.
5. Have a plan. Help your child develop an "anger control plan." At a quiet time, have a discussion about anger. Brainstorm to come up with a list of things he can do when he feels himself losing control. As an example, he could put on his headphones and listen to music, go outside and throw a few basketballs or take a shower. Have him write down the ideas on an index card and put them in a handy place. Encourage and support him when he uses some of the ideas. You might choose a code word that you can use to let him know his anger is getting out of control and he needs a cooling off period. Either he or you can use the word to signal a pause in the conversation, and allow him time to get himself together.
Want to see more?
- Grunts, Snarls and Verbal Abuse: How to Break the Silence and Poor Communication Patterns
- How to Behave So Your Children Will, Too: excerpts from the book by Sal Severe
- The Teen Behind the Mean: Cracking the Shell of Today's Tough Teens
- Keeping Your Cool: Tips for Parents from Texas Children's Hospital
- Check out our Article Library.
- Talk about it!