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Angry Emotions

Your Child's and Yours

By Elizabeth Pantley

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Child's Anger
My child can't control his angry emotions. He tends to lash out at others, verbally and physically. How can I help him stop getting so angry?

1. Don't answer anger with anger. Avoid responding to your child's anger with anger of your own. Your anger will tend to escalate your child's sour mood. Instead, control your own anger first. Reply to your child in a calm, even-tempered voice. You will be better able to direct your child's actions, and you'll be modeling the behavior you wish to see in your child.

2. Good ways vs. bad ways. Your child needs to learn that while angry emotions are normal, there are acceptable and unacceptable ways of dealing with them. You can help your child learn this by acknowledging the reason he's angry. Often, just knowing that you understand his feelings can calm him down. As an example, what if your child is angry because his brother took his bike without asking, and he's shouting and swearing? Calmly acknowledge the reason for his anger by saying something like: "I know it's frustrating when Alex takes your things without asking." This will often cause a pause in your child's behavior, as he ponders this new response from you.

Next, ask a question that directs your child's thinking in a more productive way: "How do you think you can get him to remember to ask?" If he responds in an angry way, prompt him in a more positive direction: "Getting angry won't get your point across. What do you think will?" Stay with him and guide him through the resolution process.


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