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House of Blues

Even Dads Get Depressed

By Teri Brown

Her name is Cynthia*. For Robert Hall and Greta Shaw*, she is the miracle baby they waited and longed for. When the adoption of Cynthia finally went through and it was time to bring their baby home, they thought they were ready for parenthood. Shaw relished her new responsibilities, but her husband found himself seriously unprepared for the changes that were taking place in their home.

"Our lifestyle had to adapt to accommodate her, and he wasn't really prepared for that, although he thought he was," Shaw says. "He also found it difficult to adjust to the fact that there is another person in the house – and that she has to come first."

Hall agrees he wasn't as prepared as he thought he was for becoming a father or for sharing his wife. "I wouldn't go back to being a 'non-father,'" Hall says. "But I don't think I prepared for it as well as I could have or should have. I thought that the baby would come home and everything would be just fine without having to really work at it. I'm finding out now that I was wrong. It's also really tough to have to share my wife – even though I love the baby – because I was used to having her all to myself for years."

Dr. Jonathan Pochyly, staff psychologist for Children's Memorial Hospital in Chicago, Ill., believes these feelings are typical for many new fathers. These feelings – some of which prompt dads to feel guilty – along with changes in routine often lead to symptoms very similar to postpartum depression.

"It is possible for fathers to experience depressive symptoms such as sleep disruptions, increases or decreases in appetite, fatigue, irritability and withdrawn behaviors," Dr. Pochyly says. "Additionally, the culmination of nine months of eager anticipation can leave the father (and mother) overwhelmed by the emotional impact of caring for a child."

Want to see more?

• Father Time: Striking a Balance Between Work and Home
• iParenting Adoption
• What Parenting Books Don't Tell You: 12 Tips for New Dads
• Depression: 10 Tips to Help You Cope
• Check out our Article Library.
• Talk about it!

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