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Caught in the Act
When Kids Interrupt a
Romantic Moment
Romantic Moment
By Gina Roberts-Grey, LCSW
"Mom, do you and Dad have sex?" Trish Lawson of Fond du Lac, Wis., was stunned when her 6-year-old daughter LeighAnn posed that question one morning while riding to school. After catching her breath, Trish launched into a delicate conversation of the birds and the bees dotted with age-appropriate facts.
"I should have just asked her what she thought it was first," says Lawson. "I would have saved myself some uncomfortable moments and spared her from going to school confused."
Lawson learned that a child's perception of intimacy and romance varies greatly based on age and exposure. Lawson, who is the parent of a 19-year-old college student and a first grader, initially set out to address LeighAnn's curiosity with practical and factual answers. "Then I realized that all she was wondering was that if she kissed a boy did that mean they had sex," she says.
Many children hear mature terms on television, the radio, at preschool or on the bus ride to school. "Asking your child questions such as 'What do you think sex is?' and 'What are you curious about?' mixed with patience and honesty are beneficial in rebuffing misconceptions and confusion," says Claire Gibbs, a registered nurse from Augusta, Maine. Gibbs has helped families work through embarrassing and bewildering incidents.
A child's understanding of emotional and physical intimacy is the baseline for parents to begin an age-appropriate explanation. Because every child matures at his or her own pace, most experts agree that children under 10 only require basic explanations aimed at answering their specific questions instead of covering the broad topic of intimacy. Both Alexander and Gibbs recommend that parents face questions such as "Do you have sex?" or "Why do you have to kiss Mommy?" with simple and honest answers.
"Many parents subconsciously feel guilty about taking time for their romantic relationship or about not completely divulging all the facts to a child," says Alexander. "This attitude elevates everyone's stress and anxiety." She explains that because many parents strive to identify the healthy growth and development of their children as a top priority, they avoid intimacy to prevent being interrupted by a child.
